Divine Relationships
Modern Psychology Affirms the Great Commandment
After 25 years as a counselor and mental health clinician, I noticed a consistent pattern that became impossible to ignore: the principles that create effective therapy are the same principles that Scripture teaches about healthy relationships. Psychological research on what makes counseling work kept leading back to biblical truths about love, trust, empathy, and connection. Science and faith weren’t competing, they were confirming each other.
Divine Relationships: A Counselor’s Guide to Loving God, Neighbor, and Self was published in December 2024 to explore this convergence. The book takes the Great Commandment – knowns as love God, love neighbor, love yourself - and unpacks it through the lens of evidence-based counseling principles that have been proven to transform lives.
The Foundation: Made for Relationship
The book opens with a foundational claim: humans are made by relationship, for relationship.
This isn’t just theological poetry, it’s empirical reality confirmed by decades of research. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study on human happiness, has followed hundreds of people for over 85 years and reached a crystal-clear conclusion: the quality of relationships is the single most important predictor of happiness and health throughout life.
Not wealth. Not achievement. Not genetics or IQ. Relationships.
This scientific finding confirms what Catholic theology has taught for centuries: humans are created in the image of a Trinitarian God who is Himself relationship. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit exist in eternal communion of love, and humans bear that relational imprint in their very nature. Humans don’t just benefit from relationships, they are fundamentally relational beings designed for communion.
Three Relationships, One Blueprint
The book is organized around Jesus’ response when asked about the greatest commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind… and love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39). These aren’t three separate commands—they’re three interconnected dimensions of the same relational life.
Clinical observation consistently reveals that these relationships cannot be separated. Someone struggling to love their neighbor often has a distorted view of themselves. Someone feeling distant from God often struggles in relationships with others. The health of one dimension impacts all the others; they’re systemically and eternally connected.
Each chapter explores a different principle that strengthens all three relationships simultaneously: Alliance (trust), Empathy, Hope, Worldview, Goals, Communication, and Catharsis (emotional release). These aren’t arbitrary topics, they’re the core conditions that research has identified as essential for effective therapy. And remarkably, each principle has deep biblical roots.
True Integration of Psychology and Theology
Many books address spirituality, and many address psychology, but few truly integrate both. Divine Relationships doesn’t simply quote Scripture and then add psychology as an afterthought. It demonstrates how psychological research reveals truths that Scripture has taught all along, and how Scripture illuminates what makes psychological interventions actually work.
For instance, Carl Rogers - the father of person-centered therapy - identified three core conditions for effective counseling: empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard.
These aren’t secular inventions; they’re descriptions of how God relates to humanity and how humans are called to relate to each other. The therapeutic alliance that predicts counseling success is simply a professional application of the love that Scripture commands.
The book is practical without being simplistic, academically grounded without being inaccessible, and spiritually rich without being preachy. Each chapter includes real-world examples from clinical practice (with identifying details changed to protect confidentiality), scriptural reflection, psychological research, and practical applications.
No theology degree or psychology background is required. The book simply asks readers to examine their relationships honestly and take practical steps toward growth.
The complete Introduction to the book is provided below to demonstrate the book’s approach.
INTRODUCTION: Made for Connection
Life is fundamentally about relationships. Humans are wired for them. Whether it’s connection with family, friends, self, or Creator, relationships shape identity. They can lift people up, push them forward, and unfortunately, sometimes leave them feeling stuck or broken. But while relationships clearly have the potential to hurt, they also have the potential to heal.
Twenty-five years of clinical work has demonstrated one thing with absolute certainty: the relationships in people’s lives are the most powerful tools available for growth and healing. When someone enters counseling, whether battling anxiety, addiction, or heartache, the first work isn’t addressing the problem itself, it’s building relationship. The relationship between counselor and client, the relationships they have with people around them, and sometimes, the relationship they have with God.
Research supports this. The bond between a counselor and their client - the therapeutic alliance - is the single most important factor in therapy’s success. It’s not the techniques or the theories (though those help); it’s the relationship. And this principle holds true outside the therapy room too.
When people think about the most fulfilling times in their lives, those times are typically tied to relationships—when they felt deeply connected to others, to God, or to their own purpose. And when they think about the hardest times, isolation or broken relationships usually played a part. That’s why this book exists: to help people see how the relationships in their lives - particularly with God, with neighbors, and with themselves - are the foundation for living well and very likely the most effective path to holiness.
Three Relationships That Matter Most
Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment and answered:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind… and love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39).
Those aren’t just beautiful words - they’re a blueprint for life. Love God. Love neighbor. Love self. Everything humans are called to do flows from those three relationships.
But these relationships don’t just fall into place. They take work. They take intention. And sometimes, they take healing.
Years of counseling have revealed this truth: these three relationships cannot be separated. Struggling to love a neighbor? There’s likely a disconnect in how self is viewed. Feeling distant from God? It probably affects how others are treated. The health of one impacts the others; they are all interconnected.
Why This Book Exists
Relationships hold the key to health and holiness, and lives transform when people start getting this right. Marriages get restored, friendships healed, self-worth rebuilt, and faith reignited.
This book isn’t about quick fixes or platitudes. It’s about digging deep into what makes relationships work, and what makes them thrive. Clinical experience has identified certain principles that create strong, life-giving connections. Things like trust, empathy, hope, shared goals, and solid communication skills. These aren’t just psychological ideas; they’re deeply biblical truths that reflect the heart of God.
Each chapter is built around one of these principles. Together, they provide a roadmap for strengthening relationships with God, with others, and with self. Scripture and psychology speak with remarkably similar voices in guiding people toward healing and wholeness.
What to Expect
This isn’t just a book to read; it’s a journey to take. Each chapter challenges readers to think about these relationships and gives practical steps to deepen and strengthen them.
The book addresses trust and how it’s the foundation of any meaningful relationship. It explores empathy; what it means to truly understand someone else’s world. It digs into hope, goals, communication skills, and even the power of emotional release (what therapists call catharsis). And it concludes by examining relationship with Creation itself, because how people interact with the world around them impacts their relationships and wellbeing as well.
The hope is that as readers engage with this material, they’ll not only gain insight but also feel encouraged and inspired to take action. Maybe they’ll start a new habit of prayer. Maybe they’ll have a heart-to-heart with someone they’ve been avoiding. Maybe they’ll finally start speaking kindly to themselves. Whatever it is, the goal is that this book helps people experience deeper connection and greater freedom in their lives.
The Journey Begins
Relationships aren’t optional. They’re essential. Humans were made for them. And no matter where someone is right now - whether feeling isolated, overwhelmed, or deeply connected - there’s room to grow into them.
This book isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. It’s about learning to love God, love others, and love self more fully, more intentionally, and more authentically.
The journey begins now. The invitation is to discover what it means to truly thrive in the relationships that matter most.